I ASKED FOR IT.
I had an eating disorder, and during that time my life revolved around all things superficial and surface level. It was all about the way I look and comparing myself to the way other people looked. All my focus was on the outside and I completely neglected my inside.
I would say over and over again… I would rather get cancer than get fat.
And at the time I meant every word of it.
That’s how lost in the disease I was.
My eating disorder controlled me, and everything I did. I was so cruel to myself; it breaks my heart now to think about how horrible I was to me.
All that mattered to me was being pretty and slim, and that other people thought I was pretty and slim.
I didn’t have even a minuscule particle of self-esteem, and looked for affirmation everywhere except within me; which is the only place true affirmation can be found.
So yes, I said to the universe more than once, I’d rather get fat than get cancer, and the universe heard me loud and clear.
Sadly cancer was the only way I was going to learn self-love; the only way I could stop the madness and finally be kind to myself.
Cancer stole my exterior beauty, and by doing so it forced me to find my beauty somewhere else. That’s when I started looking within, and discovered feeling beautiful from the inside out.
It wasn’t an easy lesson…the hardest lesson of my life, and at times I still feel the urge to judge others and myself on appearance.
I don’t like that part of myself so I hand it over to my Higher Power and I ask for help.
I’m far from perfect but I do try to be the best version of myself I can be. I still have a lot of work to do…I will always have work to do…and I will always be willing to do the work.
Be careful what you put out in the universe folks, and please I beg of you, don’t be hard on yourselves.
Learn to love yourself unconditionally, and if you don’t know how I can show you… as I am now a true master of self-love.
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