I never used to be scared of anything...

and then I got cancer.


I never used to be scared of anything.


Before cancer I remember myself as fearless and invincible.


Now that part of me feels like it’s gone.


And I can’t seem to find my way back to it.


But how can I let cancer turn me into a coward?


Why am I allowing cancer to make me afraid of my own shadow?


I’m convinced the poison of chemotherapy doesn’t just destroy our cells.


It also destroys our spirit.


It’s like the fear of cancer has turned into the fear of everything.


But I can’t live like that.


Somehow I have to dig down deep and reconnect to that inner strength.

I know it’s still there.


I just have to find it.


The fear is like a thick fog preventing me from seeing anything except where I am stuck right now.


But there’s so much more to life than where I am in this moment.


Instead of being utterly terrified of walking into the fog to get to the big beautiful blue sky on the other side.


I have to dig down deep and uncover the courage that cancer buried alive.


After surviving the hell of cancer treatment we just want to wrap ourselves up in cotton wool and stay safe.


But please don’t do that.


Because I did and it’s taken me years to unravel myself and be able to jump back in to this big beautiful thing we call life.


We are the cancer misfits.


The ones cancer tried to kill.


But we are still here.


We need to uplift each other.


Remind each other of our invincible strength.


And that no one or nothing can steal our spirit.


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