And I still have days when it haunts me.
I still have the occasional day where I squirm to be in the body that cancer left me with.
Most of the time I have complete acceptance and self love.
But some days I don’t and that’s okay.
Some days I still feel deformed and less than the person I used to be.
Only now I have the tools I need to let go and move on from those dark thoughts.
But the point is it’s okay to allow myself to feel those feelings when they come to visit.
Because it’s about progress and not perfection.
Because life after cancer is not perfect, just as life before cancer was not perfect either.
Life after cancer is not about being 100% over it.
It’s about love and accepting yourself.
And that includes the part of yourself that still struggles.
Six years later I still have days of not feeling comfortable in the skin I’m in and I allow myself to feel this way.
PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION.
So if you went through treatment last week, last year or a decade ago.
Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you’re feeling.
It doesn’t mean cancer has screwed up your life.
It means you’re having a bad day as a consequence of the ordeal you went through.
And there is nothing wrong with that.
So today…today I don’t like the fact I had a single mastectomy.
That one breast is soft, warm and real (well partly)
And the other is cold, hard and alien.
Today I wonder if I will find a man who will love me like this.
I accept that is how I am feeling for now, but I do not wallow in it and stay stuck.
It is what it is.
And tomorrow it will be different.
Photo by @ fh_photos
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