When God made me he forgot to add patience. He must have been so busy cramming all the creativity and inspiration inside me, that he forgot all about the jar of patience he was supposed to sprinkle top.
Throughout my life, everything and everyone revolved around my time. If I was late it was perfectly okay and understandable, if other people were late for me it was totally unacceptable!
I drove my mother completely mad with my impatience, to the point that she would threaten to sell me on ebay for a mere £7.50 more than once!
If I tried something new and it didn't work the first time, then I would immediately give up and find something new to try. If I dated someone new and it didn't work out perfectly, I would give up and find somebody new to try.
My life was one big rush, a continual hurry, even though I had absolutely no clue where I was going.
Then I got diagnosed with breast cancer and the rush of my life came to an abrupt halt.
Literally, as the doctor said it, time stood still.
Suddenly I had no control of how quickly or slowly things happened, and I felt completely powerless.
Wow, what a way to learn patience! Getting cancer was an extreme way to learn the lesson, but I doubt I would have learnt it any other way 🤦♀️.
That's the thing about breast cancer, it's such a long and arduous journey.
- Have tit and lymph nodes removed.
- Wait ages for that to heal.
- Go to physiotherapist for months to get the arm moving again.
- Finally arm moves again.
- Chemo once a week.
- Weeks in-between drag on and on.
- Radiation every day for three months.
- Wait for skin to settle after radiation before reconstruction.
- Ist reconstruction surgery with expander.
- Wait months for breast skin to expand.
- Can't I just move on already?!?
- 2nd reconstruction with proper implants.
- Surprise surprise...wait for that to heal.
- Breasts are a bit wonky so it's time for reconstruction number 3.
- More time waiting for that to heal.
- Cutting the one good nipple in half and attach it to new breast.
- Guess what? More healing.
- Body rejects nipple attachment.
- Some more bloody healing time.
- Tattoo hearts on my nipples and give up on the idea of a new nipple.
And then there's the psychological and emotional healing which took for bloody ever because I fell into the abyss as soon as the treatment was over.
And don't even get me started on waiting for my hair to grow back!!!
But through all that agonising waiting I finally learnt how to be patient.
After all is said and done I did it, and I survived it. And now when my mother is running late (as she always does) I just chill out, let it go and give her the time she needs. It took cancer to stop giving my mother a nervous breakdown...but as a consequence our bond has never been stronger and our relationship never better.
Talk about finding the positives out the one big fat horrible negative that is cancer!